What’s bothering you right now? What’s in your way today of living the life you’d like to be living? Are you tired? Did you get enough sleep last night? Did your kids wake up at 3am when you had to be up at 5am? Have you ever had something which you weren’t expecting get in the way of your best laid plans? Has anyone else’s behavior and actions affect your own mood? Have you ever just had a bad day and just didn’t feel right? Sure, right? We all have. But who’s really in control when we empower our excuses? Us or our circumstances?
Excuses are Valid
Pick out someone you know that you admire, or maybe someone that has accomplished something you see as great and admirable. How did they do that? Is it because they haven’t experienced the level of inconvenience that you have? Maybe. Or is it possible they experience their own sets of challenges but despite that they have persevered anyway? Who knows. But here’s something you do know. When you have problems, they are real. They are valid. They can cause you to not get what you want or need…for the time being. But problems can easily turn into excuses, or the reason that we can’t get what we want. And that’s the problem with excuses. Excuses are as real and valid as the sun is shining and the sky is blue. Excuses are endless. And because they are real it’s very easy for us to let those problems, seen as valid excuses, keep from us getting what we are seeking.
The Seduction of Rationalization
Person 1: “What’s more important. Sex or the ability to rationalize to yourself?” Person 2: “Are you kidding me? Sex.” Person 1: “Have you ever gone a day without a rationalization?” – From the movie “The Big Chill”. When the rational mind acknowledges and meets the truth in an excuse, a rationalization is born. And while life does what life does, if we aren’t paying attention we can let life’s inconveniences quickly turn into a steady stream of rationalizations that keep us stuck.
Who’s in Control?
When our rational mind meets something that can be proved as real it becomes part of our truth. When we allow our excuses become part of our truth we then have a choice. And the choice lies in how we relate to our truth. Do we see our excuses as reasons we can’t get what we are seeking? Or do we see our problems as something we have to account for and deal with all the while not allowing them to change and affect our behavior and actions?
The Blame Cycle vs. Taking Control
If we are responsible for our current situation does that mean we have to assign blame to ourselves? Remember that excuses exist. They are as real as anything and will always be there. No shortage of these things. So, who’s at fault? I mean someone, or something, must be the cause of me not getting what I want. But shit happens. People do mean things. The stock market crashes. Life is unfair. This is the natural cycle of the uncertainty of life itself. Because the blame cycle has no beginning and ending, our job is to not get caught in fighting life and what life gives us. Instead, we can reinforce a positive cycle of self-responsibility without blaming self or others for our circumstances. Sometimes things just are. Or as my old boss in the Army would say when shit hit the fan, “It is what it is. Let’s get to work.” Enter the cycle of responsibility and action by giving your choices energy, not your excuses. Don’t blame. Don’t give up. Don’t give in to negativity and the be seduced with the reality of your problems and let them lull you into a state of frustration, anger, and resentment.
Be the Adult and Go Get It
So today, see if you can notice the resistance that comes up for you in the form of excuses. Notice them arise. Give them the attention and love they deserve. Pat them on the head and hug them like a needy child. Then return that love back inward to yourself and say “Yeah, that sucks but I still got this.” Go out to face your day and know that everyone is in the same boat. We’re all facing hard situations in our lives. And be the model for yourself and others that shows you are in control despite what life is currently handing you.
What are your thoughts?