This past January I did an experiment of sorts. Forty days of meditation each day for at least 30 minutes. Up until that point, I tried doing meditation when I “felt like doing it”. It didn’t work out too well. Think of what happens when you try and workout once a week or even once a month. No consistency, no results. The same thing with meditation. Not only do you have to do it regularly for results, you have to actually commit to doing it regularly because it takes a few weeks of practice to see the results. It did for me, at least.
But something became even clearer for me when I continued with my meditation routine. Why was it so hard to sit in meditation for 30 minutes a day? I had 30 minutes to commit to myself everyday. That is if I made it a priority in my routine. So what gives? What was blocking me from doing it? What keeps us from making the changes that we know are good for us? Dieting, exercise, work on our marriage, making time for self, taking on a much needed home project. The list is endless. Many of us make time for watching TV or spending hours on social media. We have the time. But why is it hard to make positive life changes and stick to them?
Asking ourselves “why?”
When we begin to tease out the underlying blocks to our desired changes we can uncover 
reasons that keep us from making change. It might look like this. “I want to exercise more.” So you try and exercise more. You pick an exercise routine, join a gym, or start the latest exercise fad. Maybe it works for a few days or even weeks or months. Then you fall back to your old routine and habits. This is frustrating and deflating.
Try this.
Ask yourself “why?” and see where your answers take you. Keep going with it.
- Why do I not feel good? “It’s because I have a lack of energy.”
- What’s causing the lack of energy? “Why am I tired? Because I was tired before and that’s why I wanted to exercise”.
- Why am I tired? “I don’t get good sleep.”
- Why don’t I get good sleep? “I tend to stay up late watching Netflix.”
- Why do I stay up late watching Netflix? “I enjoy zoning out because my daily routine is stressful.”
- Why is my daily routine stressful? “I’m not happy with my job and I don’t feel like I am a fit there.”
- Why do I have a job that I don’t like? “I’m afraid that if I change jobs, I’ll throw my life into chaos.”
You can see where this is going. When we see ourselves in a constant state of energy exchange, we can see if we’re getting what we need from our daily life or routines. We tend to settle with our current routines because it’s what we know. It’s safe. Even though we don’t necessarily like it, we tolerate it. Then when because we notice that we are always in a bad mood, stressed, out of shape, or full of anxiety, we try and go to a behavior to change to make things better.
Are you buoyant or are you taking on water?
I tend to work with clients around the question of are you doing what serves you? If you are constantly putting yourself out there and not getting something that serves you in return, you are losing energy. If you are self sacrificing and full of resentments towards the situations and people you are sacrificing for, who’s looking out for you?
Finding balance
One of the most common mistakes when people try and make behavior changes is that they look for things to add to their life. But if you’re like me, and most people, we already have limited time to make for new change. This includes something like changing their diet. Why? Because if you’ve dieted before you know that your body goes through a period of change that is taxing on your system. So, sure, you want to eat different foods but are you able to spare a few days of having a loss of energy? Do you have extra time in the day to prepare skinless chicken breasts and make steamed rice for tomorrow’s lunch?
So if behavioral changes require more time and energy, where do we find the time? Where does the energy come from?
Dropping obligations
I recommend for anyone that before they make a change in their life they make a list of what activities they fill their day with. Take inventory. Look at your priorities. If you find you are spending time doing things that leave you feeling deflated and drained, reconsider keeping them as a part of your routine. When you find the things that you have to do in any given day, consider where they fall within your personal priorities. Do these things add value to your life? Are you feeling drained doing them? If so, remember WHY you are doing them. See what comes up for you.
Notice negative self talk and the “shoulds”
Nobody is making you make a new change. Is it you that wants the change? Or is it something else? Feeling pressured? Wanting to fit in? Whatever it is, if you aren’t doing something that YOU want to do, it will be short lived. Give yourself a break. Only take on the wanted changes that you resonate with.
Making room for new change 
When you have more balance in your life, you’ll have more energy. When you have more energy, you’ll be able to put more energy into a desired change. Start with your focus on your energy. Are you getting enough sleep? Why not? Are you depressed? Are you scattered and easily distracted? Why?
Ignoring the root causes for your lack of balance in your life will cause you to look for the “latest and greatest” new fad, supplement, diet, routine, or self help program. None of these things will yield the results you are looking for.
Don’t force change. Instead, allow it to happen.
Start with bringing forth the things in your life that give you contentment, peace, and joy. If you have to force yourself to make change in order to find balance, you won’t find balance. You’ll find stress.
Any new and lasting change that we seek happens because it is right for us. It fits in with our values, intentions, and desires. You have the ability to make change in your life. Make sure you are looking in the right places and make sure you are doing it because it serves you.
I’d love to hear from you. What have you noticed about making changes in your life. Where do you struggle?
What are your thoughts?