People just don’t care that much about you

“Whoa!!! Did you just say that?”

Yes, I did.

But let me explain.  People do care about you, and others, just not for the reasons we tend to think.

The last several years of my life I’ve been interested in learning more about human consciousness.  Here’s what I’m constantly learning.  What we think and who we are are different.  Our thoughts are not who we are.  But because humans are incredibly stubborn and slow to change, we’re all very confused with this concept.

The reason I’m writing this is I see a tremendous amount of pain in the world based on “faulty thinking”.   We look for love and approval in the wrong places.  From the wrong things and the wrong people.

One of the concepts I refer to is from Eckhardt Tolle and his use of “little me” and “big me” and the differences that exist in those parts of self.

The “little you” wants and needs validation and attention

This is our sense of self that depends on external validation.  Getting approval from others. Acceptance for how we present.  What we look like, what we do for a living, how much money we make, what school we went to.

This “little me” needs to be told and reassured it’s important, needed, and ok.  “Little me” has to have this acceptance.

When “little me” doesn’t get what it wants it gets angry, feels resentments, hurt, and holds grudges.

Am I good looking enough?  Am I worthy enough?  Can I be accepted by others?  Is what I’m doing ok?

We start this seeking of approval at an early age and we continue it as adults.  The only thing that changes really is the context.  As kids we want to be accepted on the playground.  As adults we want to be accepted for what we say, do, and how we’re perceived.

The problem is that we’re looking for this love and acceptance from the people who are also looking for the same.  And nobody can give it to one another.

Therefore, nobody cares about the “little you”.  They only have enough to care about their “little me”.  They just don’t have the ability to care about your “little you”.

The good news

Because everyone else is too consumed with their own self perception and self concept, nobody cares about your self perceptions.

Seriously, nobody cares about what you did “that one time 10 years ago at that party that one time”.  Everyone else has moved on from what you did…about 30 seconds after you did whatever it was you did.

Nobody cares that you that you can’t afford the latest smart phone or tablet.  And nobody cares that you have the the iPhone 12s.

Nobody cares that you drive a 2007 Ford Focus (this is me).  And nobody cares that you drive a BMW.

Nobody cares that you don’t have the perfect job and you struggle to be the perfect spouse and parent at home.  And nobody cares that you are the Facebook parent of the month.

Only the “little me” is so caught up in their own minds and self obsession and thinks everyone is focusing on them.

Why?  Because “little me’s” have very little patience and acceptance for the way people actually are.  The “little me” is judgmental, critical, and a pain in the ass.  Does this sound like someone you want attention from?

The “big you” knows it’s perfect the way it is

This is the part of us that knows love.  It knows acceptance and it knows truth.  It knows that people love you because you are.  Not because of what you “do”.

“Big you” knows that your family and friends love you regardless.  It knows that you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.  It knows it came into this world as a perfect being.  Perfectly imperfect and unique.  That’s not some cheesy, heartfelt load of crap.  Though it might sound like it is, it’s the truth.

“Big you” doesn’t care that you wore the same outfit to work this week or that you haven’t bought clothes in 2 years and when you do it’s on a spree at Old Navy.

“Big you” sees compassion and acceptance for others.  When other’s “big me” sees your “big you” it’s shows itself in feelings of connectedness, friendship, and love.  You can feel this when you get it.

This is the “you” that people care about.  At least the people that really matter to you.

You don’t “think” love and acceptance.  We are love and acceptance.

So when I bring up the concept that our thoughts are not who we are, people tend to balk at this concept.  “What do you mean that what I think isn’t me?”  Well, much of the time, your thoughts aren’t you.  They are just that.  Thoughts.

Again, getting away from the concept of what we “do” is who we “are”.  Look at it this way.  If you have kids, do you have to think about loving them?  Or do you just love them?  Did you fall in love with your spouse by thinking it?  Or did you just do it?

Does a baby need to prove itself when it’s born to get love?  So why do we think that we have to constantly prove ourself to get love?  “Big you” knows it’s capable of getting love just by being.

The “big us” knows love and acceptance without pause.  It’s our default setting.  It’s only our incessant and anxious thinking that try and convince us that we “are not enough” and that by “doing more” or “doing different” we’ll get the love we’re missing.

“The world is a cold place” is a completely one sided way of thinking

True the world is a cold place.  But only to the “little you”.  When our “little me” looks for love and acceptance it seeks it from the place in others that is little as well.  So of course, there’s going to be pain and disappointment.

That feeling of “people don’t care about me” is when we look to others for ultimate acceptance from our outward appearance, our career, our status, our beliefs.  We don’t get it.  We either get nothing from those that love us too much to validate our narrow self concepts or we get surface acceptance from those tuned into their own “little me’s”.

It’s all there for us

To the “little you” the world is cold and cruel.  The “big you” knows that the world is full of good people, good intentions, and plenty of love, connection, friendships, and great experiences.

The question is never “is the world good or bad?”.  The question is what part of you are looking at the world from?  The “little you” or the “big you”?

Let me know what you have to say.  How do you know when you’re coming from a place that serves you and others?