I didn’t feel old when I got married.  I didn’t feel old when I turned 35.  I didn’t feel old when my wife and I had our first daughter.  In April we had our second daughter.  Now I’m feeling it.  The child coverage in the house has gone from “double team” to “man to man”.   It’s taken it’s toll.  On me.  On my wife.  On our time together.  Making time for your marriage is tough!

It’s a common problem

The saving grace in all of this is that I know we’re not alone.  Plenty of our friends have experienced this.  Our parents have lived through it too.  But it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s vital to a marriage to make sure that we are spending time together as a couple.

What you can do

In the worst cases, the addition of children to an already busy schedule can seriously damage a marriage, or end it.  There’s no getting around the challenge of balancing a marriage, family, and work. But it can improve. Here are a few tips.

Scheduling time for each other

Spontaneity killer?  Yep.  However, it’s one of the best ways to make that time with your partner that you desire.  Use a calendar and schedule time for you and your spouse.  Even if it’s not a “date night”.  Try scheduling time once a week or as much as you can.  Don’t worry about making it perfect.  Worry about putting it into action.  Be careful, though.  Don’t put too much pressure on the scheduling.  Sometimes it will work out and sometimes it won’t.  Just stay consistent.

Sacrifice personal time

Fall is the season for football widows.  I’m as guilty of this as anyone.  There was a time when my wife and I had plenty of time for our personal interests and each other.  Not anymore.  While we still have our “own things”, it’s become necessary that we want to focus on what’s ultimately important.  Go ahead and mourn the loss of your weekend golf outings or Friday nights at the bar.  But don’t worry, things will clear up someday and you’ll get some of that “me time” back.  But for now, do the right thing.

Bigger issues?  Check out a previous post where I discuss some of the difficulties in relationships.

Turn off the TV and put your phone down

If you’re complaining that you never have time to talk to your spouse but spending 2 hours a night in front of the TV, you might have discovered your problem.  Try turning off the TV and putting your smart phone away.  See what happens.  If it’s horrible you can always turn it back on or get back on your phone.  On the other hand, if it’s horrible, you might have more serious problems.

Spend your time face to face, not shoulder to shoulder

See if you and your spouse can choose things to do together that involve direct connection to one another.  There is a huge difference in watching a game together than going out to dinner or going on a walk.  There is bigger payoff in doing activities that get you reconnected to each other.  Maybe you notice a difference in intimacy between both of you when you do face to face activities as opposed to say, going to a movie.  Give it a try.

Making the most of what you have

The biggest killer in a relationship can be stress.  If you have a job and kids to manage your time around, you already know this.   Make sure you aren’t stressing about making time for your and your partner.  One of the best ways to do this is taking advantage of the time you do have together when the opportunity arises.  Maybe you sit outside on the porch and talk, instead of watching TV,  maybe it’s making dinner or breakfast together.  Whatever you decide to do, don’t add more pressure and stress!

Partner seem depressed?  Read more about what you can do.

However you decide to address making time for your marriage, remember to be kind to each other and yourself.  It’s hard enough making it all work.  Marriage is certainly a challenge, there’s no getting around it.   Allow the harder times to be an opportunity for you to grow closer, not further apart.  Good luck!  You’ve arrived!  Now make the best of it!