How gratitude can help you even if you hate hearing about gratitude

“Be Thankful!”  “Drop the Negativity!”  “Embrace the Positivity!”

We hear the messages on social media.  We see people who seem they can live life effortlessly in their bubble of peace.  We’ve all got those people in our lives that express positive vibes as effortlessly as breathing.  But for many of us, it doesn’t come that easy.

It’s that time of year that we hear all about New Year’s resolutions and how to be a “happier person”.  Just so happens we’ve come out of a year in 2016 that many people consider one of the worst trainwrecks they have experienced.  So what’s to be positive about?  What is there to be thankful for when it seems like the world is turning to crap?

I don’t really have an answer as to why anyone SHOULD be ready to take on 2017 in a more positive mindset.  I mean, you’ve got problems, I’ve got problems.  Everyone is dealing with something they want to change in their lives.  No arguments here.  There’s plenty to point to in our world that suggest things aren’t “ok”.  We might even get annoyed at messages of insinuated gratitude.  Messages that suggest we SHOULD be more thankful for what we have.  “If they only knew my reality”, we say.  Gratitude can feel forced.  It can feel fake.  It can feel like a dismissal of our own situation and problems.

Being happy and satisfied is a choice

But I’m going to argue for gratitude here.  I used to be someone who thought that the concept of being thankful for what I have was as canned and processed as Christmas decorations in the mall a day after Halloween.  Not anymore.

I’d argue that we don’t have a choice but TO BE grateful if we want our situation to improve. If we want to achieve goals that we’ve never achieved before.  If we want to feel more peaceful, more satisfied, more content, or “zened out” or whatever it might be, we HAVE to be grateful for what we do have.

It takes one to know one

Oh yeah.  I said it.  In order to get more of what we want, we have to embody the thing that we want.  Being happy is a choice.  And if I’m waiting for things to happen first before I am happy, I’ll be waiting a long time.  If I take an attitude of “this then that”, I’ll never be satisfied.

Practice gratitude

So, the first thing I would suggest is to focus on what you DO HAVE that is going well for you.  This makes you more practiced and receptive of the good stuff you are wanting. Practice noticing the good out there in your world.  Tune into more of what you want.  Turn off more of what you don’t.  Is the news to negative?  Is social media too nerve wracking? Take a break and turn it off for awhile.  Take time to tune out what is negative and tune in to what you are seeking.

Build a positive relationship with what you are seeking

Pissed off because you don’t have as much money as you’d like but resent people that have money?  Jealous when you see people on your social media pages that are “successful”? How do you expect to attract more money and success into your life when you have a negative relationship with those things?  Whatever it is that you are seeking, make sure you are building that positive relationship with those things.  Purposefully celebrate other people’s successes in their careers, in their physical health, in their self esteem.  Ease up on your judgement of people with more money than you have.  Negativity begets more negativity and what we resist persists.

Practice your focus

Have you ever gone to a party or a family gathering and there is someone there that you don’t want to talk to?  Life is like that.  We’re always going to have things that aren’t going well in our lives.  But there are things that ARE going well too.  There are people at that party we like and people we don’t.  But we get to CHOOSE who we talk to.  Our lives are like a big party and there’s a ton of everything to focus on. Just like a house full of different people to spend your time talking to, you can CHOOSE to focus your energies on what is positive and what you can be grateful for.  It’s not possible to make all the bad things in our lives, or in the world, go away.  Instead we can make conscious choices on what we want to affiliate with and focus on.

As always, be kind to yourself and others

Hey, we’re all just trying to get by here on this rock floating through space.  Start small.  Be patient with yourself.  Be kind.  Notice the small things.  Celebrate your successes and those successes of others.  Allow for frustration and anger without holding onto it.  Notice the rough times and know they are temporary.  Even some of the worst times in our lives have been the beginning of something great.  Imagine what could even happen if we were grateful for our bad times? We’d be almost unstoppable.

Above all, choose what serves you.  Know that you deserve all the best in this upcoming year.  It just might take some deliberate changes to see things in a new light.

Happy New Year!  Make it a great one.