That feeling you get where nothing you do seems to work. That realization where you can’t seem to win. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. None of us like to be there. The thing is that our wives don’t want us to be there either. Whether you’re trying to please your wife,… Read More »
People Pleasing
How are you? (No, really…how are you?)
Mike (a client of mine, not his real name) comes into my office. I can see he’s not doing well. I ask him what I ask everyone when I see him. “How’ve you been?” He barely makes eye contact. Something is obviously bothering him. “No”, I say, “how ARE YOU doing?” He gets emotional as… Read More »
When is Your “Good” Good Enough?
I hope you’re doing well wherever you are. Life is full of things we can measure. Things like money, grades, scores, can be clearly seen as a result. Good? Bad? Pass? Fail? You don’t have to be a math nerd or a genius to appreciate the value of good old number based subject matters. But… Read More »
The illusion of needing to “prove ourselves”
Do you ever have those moments of clarity when you say to yourself “of course, that makes sense” or “I know this to be true and I can feel it in my gut”? Funny how that works. I was talking to a trusted friend of mine recently and the topic of “providing proof” came up. … Read More »
If achievements and behavior don’t define who we are, what does?
The past few years watching my kids grow has been interesting to say the least. Aside from the joy of being a parent, the struggles that come with it, and the endless self reflection on my “parenting abilities”, I’ve noticed something profound. When children are born and when they are young they don’t question… Read More »
People just don’t care that much about you
“Whoa!!! Did you just say that?” Yes, I did. But let me explain. People do care about you, and others, just not for the reasons we tend to think. The last several years of my life I’ve been interested in learning more about human consciousness. Here’s what I’m constantly learning. What we think and who… Read More »
How to love your haters
Maybe you’ve felt it too. Your current job isn’t cutting it. You’re tired of working for someone else and not seeing the benefits of your hard work. Or maybe your old ways of solely dedicating yourself to please others and gaining approval from your family and friends is no longer what you want. You see… Read More »
Quotes from the inner critic. Things “successful” people say to themselves.
Negative self talk. It’s real. Everybody deals with it. Even those people that we see as having their “shit together”. I asked this question to various professionals, psychologists, counselors, and designers…”When your inner critic is at it’s worst, what does it say to you?” Various professionals ages 30-52 years old answered. Here’s what they said…. Read More »
How to stop being passive aggressive with your partner (say what you really want to say)
A couple that’s been coming to see me for couples counseling for a few weeks has an on-going problem. Like many couples with marital issues, Jenn and Kyle have communication issues. Their particular issue is that they don’t know how to express their anger with one another without being passive aggressive. They’re unable to effectively… Read More »
The “shoulding” reflex and how it affects you
I stumbled upon this article the other day. “30 things every grown ass person should stop doing by the time they turn 30”. In the post it lists these behaviors that all grown adults should cease as they turn 30 years old. I found I missed the cut on a few of the author’s requirements… Read More »